Things they never told me about motherhood. This should be the title of my next (ok, first) parenting humor book. Everyone tells you how your life will change, it will never be the same, you don’t know love until you have a child. All of these things are true, but someone needed to shed some light on the things they don’t tell you about motherhood. Check out these things I learned.
Things they never tell you about motherhood
You will never use the bathroom alone again
For real. I am not sure what it is about trying to go to the bathroom that my daughter find is the most opportune time to ask me to braid her hair, but it never fails. At the moment, there is a gate up blocking the area where our bedrooms and bathroom are, so thankfully my son hasn’t learned how to climb it yet, but he will stand at the gate and yell for me. But as soon as I leave the bathroom he wants nothing to do with me. I swear, if you need your kid’s attention, go to the bathroom, they will follow you!
You will second guess yourself all the time
This is something I wish someone had told me. I question myself daily as a mom. No one has the right answer, everyone is different, and every family is different. Am I doing a good job? Am I raising a respectful human being? Is what I just said in the heat of the moment going to scar her for life? Cereal is a major food group, right? A very wise woman once told me that only the best moms question themselves all the time. Keep doing what you are doing.
You will keep every little drawing
At first anyways. When my daughter started using crayons and paper and making lines and scribbles, I was so excited! I kept everything, for a while. Then you realize that you are just creating a fire hazard in your home. I decided to clean house and take photos of her work from now on. I keep some stuff, but for most of it, I take a picture, and then I toss it (without her knowing of course). I have big plans to make a photo album of all the artwork she has created over the years. If not, at least I have the snapshots.
You will be sleep deprived forever
Oh my dear fellow mom, this is not just during the newborn years. You will find yourself staying up late to enjoy some quiet time, and you will find yourself wanting to get up before everyone, so at least one of your cups of coffee is still hot (this is one I have yet to master). It is like you are always sleeping with one eye open. It does not change once they can walk and talk, then they walk into your room in the dark of night and stand right above you, staring at you until you open your eyes so they can tell you they had a bad dream and wanted to crawl in bed with you. I won’t even get into the teen years when they have a curfew. Wave the white flag on sleep. You can sleep when you see your own kids having kids. Karma.
You will lie to your children
You will tell little white lies to get them to do things (or to avoid certain situations). I wanted my daughter to try fish. Now if I had told her it was fish, she wouldn’t have even sat down at the table. To her, it is chicken. It tasted different than the chicken she was used to, but she liked this new chicken. One day I will break the bad news and let her know she likes fish. When we would drive past her favorite fast food place at dark, and she would ask if we could go, I would say, ‘No baby they are closed right now’ to which she would say, ‘But the lights are on, so they must be open.’ Oh, my sweet, smart little girl, ‘They leave the lights on, so no one will go in and steal things, it makes it look like someone is there’. Hook line and sinker. You may disagree, but I just avoided a meltdown like a pro.
Someone needs to write a handbook for new moms, and then a sequel for those of us who choose to have more of those small humans running around our house, preventing us from having just one cup of hot coffee. One thing they do tell you, but is incomprehensible until you actually have children, is how much love you have for another human being. It is the reason drinking cold coffee and peeing with an audience becomes ok.