Some days, being a parent is full of rewarding moments when your kids are cooperative, appreciative, and loving. But I’m convinced those days are rare and only happen when the stars align. Most days, being a parent feels like you are sprinting up a rocky mountain without shoes, carrying two-thirds of your body weight in supplies when you suddenly realize the mountain is really an erupting volcano and now your toes are burning.
In those moments, as hard as it is, all you can do is laugh. Maybe you can also try to remember times your kids are actually cute and pleasant, but that could be a stretch depending what they’re doing right then. I’m sure you can relate to these 25 ways to complete the sentence “You know you’re a parent when…”
You Know You’re a Parent When…
- A toy breaks and you think, “YES! I can throw this in the trash!”
- You carry enough snacks in your car/purse/diaper bag to feed a small army.
- Taking a nap feels like you won the lottery.
- You quote Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at work.
- You hide from your child when you eat dessert so you don’t have to share.
- Putting on jeans and a stylish bra means you’re dressed up.
- Friends and co-workers refer to something as your child says it rather than its real name. (I have clients who now call The Home Depot “Depot Depot” – my son’s name for it.)
- Drinking a cup of coffee without reheating it is an unrealistic goal.
- The most in-depth conversation you have with your spouse in a day relates to your child’s bowel movements (or lack thereof).
- You have a compulsion to speak to pregnant women registering at Target so you save them from registering for the bad stuff.
- Crying children on an airplane lead you to feel bad for the children rather than annoyed for yourself and the other passengers.
- You wish that show What Not to Wear still existed and someone would nominate you.
- You can’t remember what it feels like to sleep through the night.
- Eating the entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s is justified because you made it through the day.
- Your kid is mad at you and you truly do not care (because, if you’re being honest, you’re not so fond of him right now either).
- You leave a full cart of groceries behind at the store because you are just too mortified to be in public with your screaming banshee of a child.
- Intimate time with your significant other is a sprint, not a marathon. And you’re glad.
- A shower every other day is an achievement.
- One member (or more) of your family running out of underwear is the sign that the laundry needs to be done.
- Date night ends with a kid-free trip to the grocery store or Target.
- All decorative accents in your home are made of non-breakable materials.
- Your cell phone photo gallery consists of 792 pictures of your kids and 1 of your spouse.
- You have a mild panic attack anytime you see a child wandering solo at a store and cannot readily see her mother nearby.
- You’ve said to your child after being bitten, kicked, or hit, “If I treated you the way you treat me, I’d be arrested.”
- You check on your sleeping child, who, bit, kicked, hit and yelled at you today, and know you wouldn’t trade this life for a second. Because it’s worth it.