How to Merge Blended Families After Divorce


Blended families have become more and more common today, but make everything mesh is not a simple matter. After divorce has occurred and two families are brought together to create a new one, it takes patience and perseverance to make it work. Check out these tips for merging families after divorce.

Tips for Merging Blended Families after a Divorce

¬†Remember That It Won’t Happen Overnight

When two families become one after divorce has occurred, you need to remember that it takes time for it all to mesh. Just because it’s called a blended family doesn’t mean you can throw everybody together and it just works.

It takes time for everyone to find their places within the new family dynamics and it doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t expect everyone to move in together and be full of joy and happiness over the new arrangements. Kids will find themselves in a brand new birth order — the youngest in one family may now be the middle child or the youngest in this new blended family. Give it time.

Spend Time Getting to Know Each Other

It takes time for families to blend, and it takes time and effort to get to know each other. Your new spouse’s children don’t know you and your personality and you don’t know theirs. The kids who are all now step-siblings don’t know what makes each other tick. Make a concerted effort for everyone to get to know each other better. Play games together. Go on outings together. Ask each other questions.

dinner table

One of the best ways to help two blended families merge after divorce is to establish a family meal time. Every evening, sit down together at the table with every family member who is there. Don’t allow any of the kids to sneak off to their bedroom or the living room to eat. Insist that everyone sit down together for a family meal. Spend the time doing more than just eating — get to know each other! Ask everyone about their day and engage in real conversation. Soon enough, everyone will start to look forward to that family meal time.

Establish Family Rules

When merging two families into one, each family comes into this new relationship with rules and traditions. It’s time to establish new family rules for new blended families. Discuss with your spouse what rules will be important and need to be established and enforced.

Be Consistent

Kids can spot inconsistency and weakness a mile off. If they see the parents being inconsistent in rules, behaviors, and expectations, the kids will respond with disrespect and attempts to bend the rules. Be consistent and make sure you and your spouse are on the same page with everything and every rule.

Merging two families into one big, happy family isn’t easy. It takes time and it takes work. The end result, though, is always worth it so spend time talking to your spouse and your kids and look at this new family as something that is not only new, but is also beautiful and precious.

Do you have any tips for merging blended families after a divorce? Share them in the comments!


26 thoughts on “How to Merge Blended Families After Divorce”

  1. This kinds of issue always has its success and failure, but if you have a very strong relationship with Go, you have the faith and you have the will to make your family happy. everything if going to be ok. Nothing is impossible if you have faith.

  2. All very true points. My wife and I each had two kids when we got married and added 3 more since. It’s always a challenge, even without having other parents complicate the situation.

  3. Great idea to merge families! I hope to never have to deal with this, but it’s great for those who have gone through it.

  4. I am not divorced but my parents were. My father remarried to a vile woman who would not allow my father to be a part of my life (I was only 8), I tired for many many years to reach out to him but sadly he took it to his grave last month, I wish my stepmother had the heard of wanting a blended family things would have been so different.

  5. I’ve seen success and I’ve seen failures. I love these tips. I have friends that have made beautiful blended families from doing things like these.

  6. What great advice! Merging two new families can be very difficult. I saw my sisters work constantly on it. Consistency is key. As it teamwork with the parents. And lots of family activities to help bring the family unit closer.

  7. Great tips! I know several friends who grew up in blended families and I think several of the things you mentioned were elements that thelped their experiences be positive ones.

  8. These are great tips. I was in a relationship with a man who had two children, and while it didn’t work between he and I, I am still VERY close to his daughter. Consistency, understanding, and just showing that I cared were key for us.

  9. Meal time is very important in any family, especially a blended family. I think it’s great that adults take time to illustrate that sort of comradely and togetherness despite the separation and divorce.

  10. Robin (Masshole Mommy)

    I am in this exact situation and you need to work together to establish rules and routines. It helps.

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