When your tot’s on the way to a meltdown, try these 5 tips for diffusing a toddler tantrum with minimal tears (yours included!). I’m going to be honest – we made it out of the terrible 2s unscathed. I was prepared for the terrible 3s as a result, and they went by without incident. We got into the 4s, and I let down my guard. That was my first mistake.
Four and a half hit, and a gremlin took over my son’s body. My kind, cooperative little boy disappeared, and in his place is a crazy person who rolls his eyes and smirks at me when I ask him to do anything. Although my son is no longer a toddler, and his tantrums don’t always come with tears, they are tantrums nonetheless, and these are the tried and true ways I’ve learned to diffuse them.
5 Tips for Diffusing a Toddler Tantrum
- Nip it in the bud before it’s in full swing. If you miss the window to stop a tantrum before it starts, move on to the next tip – this one only works if the tantrum isn’t fully tantruming yet. The best way to nip it? Redirect by making it fun! The other night, I was getting resistance when I asked my son to put on his PJs. Rather than fighting with my tired and emotional little man, I told him I was going to start counting so we could see how fast he could put on his pajamas. Voila! He immediately cooperated because it was a game!
- Stay calm and whisper. Okay, so you missed the pre-tantrum window, and your little one is really going. Her emotions are raging, and she will feed off of your energy if you get upset or raise your voice. Instead, stay calm and talk in a whisper. In most cases, she will quiet down to hear what you’re saying.
- Just because your toddler is upset about something you may find silly, don’t forget that it is a huge deal to him. He really does feel as though it’s the end of the world because he didn’t get the blue plate at dinner. Tell him you understand how he’s feeling and explain why he’s not allowed to have the plate. Be specific: “Jamie, I understand you feel angry because you didn’t get the blue plate at dinner tonight, but it’s in the dishwasher so it can be clean for dinner tomorrow night. Tonight we have the green plate, and look – it matches your green beans!”
- Take breaths together. Get down at the same level as your child and look into her eyes. Tell her that you and she are going to work through this together and take deep breaths. She will most likely mimic you, and her emotion will fade as she focuses on what the two of you are doing.
- Hug and kiss until it’s over. When all else fails, I just grab my kids and hug them until the tantrum ends. I have a very hard time watching their little bodies rage with such strong emotion, and sometimes all I can do is hold them so they know I am with them. Once the tantrum is over, reinforce that you love them even when they are angry or sad. This helps set the stage for them to feel comfortable talking with you about their emotions.
If your child is a little older, you may want to revisit the tantrum after it’s over to discuss how it could have been handled differently. Ask your child to help you come up with ways that he can stop himself when he starts to feel very angry or sad. If he’s invested in the solution, it will be easier for him to remember it the next time.
I totally agree u have to nip it in the bud ..you can’t let bad behavior continue its up to us to teach them manners and respect
Great tips. I find the stay calm and whisper the most difficult because I’m usually not feeling very calm in these moments. Ha.
These are great tips! Toddler tantrums are never fun, but these should definitely work! Great resource!
These are definitely really great tips. My favorite one is to talk in a whisper. I even use that one with angry adults sometimes. It’s really hard to yell at someone who is whispering.
These are such great tips. I remember the terrible twos and threes so well. I wish I had your tips back then. I’m sending your link to my daughter.
I hate the tantrum phase. I certainly had those issues with my first born. With my last child, she never had tantrums. I use to close talk my son when he started tripping.
Ohh, I don’t have kids yet but I know tantrums can be difficult to handle. This is a nice list. I will definitely share this to my mommy friends.
Tantrum can be very difficult to handle. Thanks for these tips. I’ve learned a lot.
Toddler tantrums can be difficult to deal with, especially in public. These are great tips on how to deal with them.
I also think deep breathing is a good technique. I also used distraction a lot when my girls were younger.
I think the breathing tips and the whispering has been most effective for me. These steps are what help me when my nieces are having a meltdown!
I can imagine dealing with a toddler in a tantrum can be so stressful, these sound like some great tips to help people.
Great tips for stopping a tantrum in its tracks. My granddaughter has just hit the tantrum stage.
My daughter is only 3 months old so I have some time before I have to deal with toddler tantrums but I am not looking forward to it. My sister has a 3 year old and she uses time outs with a lot of success.
Toddler tantrums can get very over the top if you don’t deal with it the right way. All children are different so what works for some, won’t work for others. I always found that with my son, if I walked away he would calm down and come find me so we could talk rationally.
Staying calm and talking softer is always the best choice. Which is easier said than done. All your suggestions are great it is just remembering at the moment to put them into action.
It definitely is rough when they’re in that active tantrum! I think it’s important to just leave them be until they calm down and then reassure them of your love.
I always just walked away and ignored it. It worked like a charm :)
It’s so important to give lots of hugs and kisses because they need support during their tantrums. They are not in control of their emotions yet and in the end, love conquers all. Great tips on diffusing toddler tantrums!