Helping Your Child Deal with Adult Bullies

How to help your child deal with adult bullies

It’s bad enough when a child is bullied by another child, but when they’re dealing with adult bullies it’s an even bigger blow to their self-esteem and well-being. After all, adults are supposed to be the trustworthy ones, the people you go to when you need help, the responsible ones who tell you everything is going to be okay. Imagine being a child and hearing horrible taunts coming out of the mouth of a trusted teacher, or worse, an adult family member.  Teaching your child to deal with adult bullies is a little different than teaching them to deal with bullying from their peers.

Tips to Help Your Child Deal with Adult Bullies

  • Explain what counts as bullying in adults. Like child bullies, adult bullies also use physical brawn and emotionally damaging comments to intimidate or scare a child. No one has the right to hit your child, and no one has the right to make your child feel small or scared. Any time those things occur at the hand of another person, it is a form of bullying.
  • Set clear rules of what you expect from the adults in your child’s life. If your older brother always thought it was fun to tease you in what he thinks is a fun way, and seems to be continuing that tradition with your children, sit him down and explain that while you know he doesn’t mean to be a bully, his words do hurt and if he can’t speak to your children with respect, he can’t speak to them at all. Let teachers and school officials know you will not stand for them belittling your child too, if you see it starting to happen. Setting clear rules up front shows that you are serious about protecting your child from adult bullies and will not tolerate it even from those closest to you.
  • Teach your child from the start that adults are not always right. I think one of the most important things we can do for our children is teach them that adults make mistakes too. Acting like we’re perfect and always right sends a very bad message, because when an adult does something so very wrong, like taunting a child, kids get very confused by the mixed message. They think: If mom says adults are always right, and Mr. Green says I’m stupid, then Mr. Green, by default of being an adult, must be correct.
  • Encourage your child to question authority when appropriate. Growing up in my generation, we were taught to not question authority, and it made it more difficult to speak up when we saw an adult doing something wrong. Teach kids that while authority figures who exercise their power properly should be respected, those who clearly misuse that power should be questioned and challenged. This goes along with teaching them that adults aren’t always right.
  • Give them clear instructions on how to handle adult bullies. Challenging the adult bullies themselves may not always be the best idea, so let kids know that if they see an adult misbehaving, they should tell you or a trusted adult right away.
  • Escalate the complaint to higher authorities quickly. With adult bullies the damage to your child’s psyche has the potential to be quite severe. Deal with it swiftly. If it’s a teacher, contact the school officials right away. If it’s not dealt with, escalate to the school board and then the police. If physical violence is involved, jump all chain of command and immediately file charges with the police department.

Have you ever encountered adult bullies in your life? How did you deal with them?

17 thoughts on “Helping Your Child Deal with Adult Bullies”

  1. I was bullied by my friends father growing up. I was only 13 when he called me a tool. Didn’t even know what it meant at that age but I knew it was an insult and it hurt. And one day several years later I remembered that experience and googled what it meant and I was reminded of that feeling of worthlessness. He also made fun of the bump on my nose and asked if I had been hit by a baseball. That man scarred me by his insults and I did absolutely nothing to deserve it, I was a child! I hate that man to this day.

  2. My ex husband have been bullying our kids and intimidating in many ways from destroying stuff that i have provided, intimidating my kids because they tell me the stuff he says and do to them, making them feel little via text. But why everyone says that’s not bullying.

    1. Tell Grandpa to shut his mouth or he won’t be around her! I have several morons in my family that act stupid around my kids. I have found out life without them is better for me and my children!

    2. My sister in law provokes my daughter by pinching and pretending to stomp her feet till she’s scared and runs away to cry. They (mother in law and sister-in-law) say that they can’t stand how moody she is because she doesn’t like them for this reason. I however am over reacting they say. (child is 3yo)

  3. I am so glad people are opening to this…. This happens all the time…. I work in apartments bldgs as a PSW and I see tenants that bully new people into the bldgs…. adult to adult…. Senior to senior ….. Adult to child is so common I drs it everywhere…. People have to control something when they don’t have control of their own life…. It’s really sad…. Happens everyday

  4. Good article that educates the public and points out that teacher-to-student bullying does happen. Few parents are aware that a school environment can be highly dysfunctional and that some teachers do bully their students. (Teachers can also bully other teachers.)

  5. Sadly, we don’t all grow up and it is a sad thing for a child to face. I even find it sad that adults bully other adults! Great tips and I agree that facing it head on (especially with family) is so important.

    1. We have a situation where an adult is bullying a 10 year old child. This individual has a daughter that plays on a travel ball team with my grand daughter. The bullying seems to escalate after a weekend of playing ball where my granddaughter out plays her daughter. She has made three false allegations at school all proven to be unfounded. She had told the coach all kinds of lies to get my granddaughter kicked off the team. The adult went off screaming at my son and said “your kids suck at everything they do.” The other parents witnessed and recorded her actions. We have been to the school, the coach has talked to her and now she said if she leaves the team, she will take 8 others with her… we are at our wits end

      1. I am going through the same thing with my grandson. There is an adult who has been sending anonymous letters to My 11 year old grandson’s coach, his school and his hockey league. This has been going on for over a month and he is being brought in and questioned every time someone receives a letter and it is causing him to become depressed. We can’t even address it because we don’t know who is doing this awful thing because they are so cowardice and don’t put their name to the letters. What kind of adult does this to an 11 year old!!

  6. What a great post with wonderful tips. This is a great idea and I know that I’ve certainly overlooked this with just focusing on other children that bully. Thanks for this!

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