Finding the Spark Again After the Birth of Your Baby

Many first time parents (or seasoned parents for that matter) need help finding the spark again after a baby. Check out these ways to rekindle your relationship.

Many first time parents (or seasoned parents for that matter) need help finding the spark again after a baby.  Your world has just been flipped upside down.  Instead of coffee and the paper quietly at the kitchen table, your mornings are now filled with feedings, and soothing sounds mixed with baby cries.  Sounds romantic right?  How do you find the spark again when your days seem to be consumed with being a parent instead of a partner?

Tips for Finding the Spark again After Baby

Do nothing: Sounds a little counterproductive, no?  What I mean is just do nothing, together.  Sit down and catch up on some shows and just be together.  Hold off on the dirty dishes in the sink (I promise they will still be there in the morning, unless you have dirty dish fairies, in that case, share the love).  Don’t worry about picking up your baby’s things, she will just use them again in a few hours.  Nothing is more important than your marriage.

Stay in and reconnect: Many first time parents try to get out and plan a date night.  Let’s be honest that takes a whole lot of energy that neither one of you can spare!  Finding someone to watch your little cherub, making the never ending list of her wants and needs and when to change her and put her down, which teddy bear is her fave and so on.  Don’t do that.  Save you energy and stay in and enjoy each other again!  What did you used to do before baby?  Do that again.  Did you play card games or board games, watch movies, dance in the living room?  Think of those simple times and recreate that.

Related: Date Night Ideas for Parents without a Babysitter

Treat yourselves: You might find yourself drowning in breast milk or formula and cold meals.  Jump at the chance for a late night snack with your love.  Forget for a minute about the baby weight, and just eat the ice cream together.  It’s amazing what a little treat and a bit of QT can do for your marriage, even it is only 30 minutes while baby naps.  

Talk: Communication is key in any relationship right?  So many new parents are consumed with the baby (and why wouldn’t you be?!)  Don’t get so consumed that you don’t tell each other how you are feeling.  Having a new baby brings a whole new level to your relationship but keep the lines of communication open.  Ask your partner how he is feeling and be sure to let him know what a great job he is doing and how helpful he is.  Men tend not to be the best communicators (at least most of the ones I have met), but they need to hear the good things too!  It opens up the conversation about how you are feeling too.   

Leave notes: It might sound a bit high schoolish, but so what?  I loved it when my husband left me notes.  Not only did we have a new baby, but when I went back to work, I worked the night shift.  Talk about never seeing each other!  I would come home from work, and he would be going out the door.  We started to let each other know how appreciative we were of each other by leaving notes or writing on the dry erase board for the other one.  It was so sweet to come home and see he had been thinking about me.

There is no doubt when you have a new baby, your lives are consumed with feedings, and baby toys and before you know it you find yourself knee deep in poop.  Somehow that doesn’t scream romantic to me!  That baby was created and born out of the love you have for each other; you can get it back.

What sort of things have you done for finding the spark after a new baby?  Share with us below in the comment section!  Could we all use the help, right?   

23 thoughts on “Finding the Spark Again After the Birth of Your Baby”

  1. christina aliperti

    This is so important. Once you become parents it can be hard to separate yourself from the parenting role and be a couple again.

  2. I think it can be a challenge at first for dads sometimes because the changes that happen to a woman who just had a baby. My husband was a little unsure of how to reconnect with our first because it was awkward. .

  3. These are great tips for reconnecting after you have a baby. I like the idea of staying in and just being with each other. I will have to share this with a friend that just had her first baby a few weeks ago.

  4. It’s so easy to lose touch with your partner after the baby comes along. These are great tips on reconnecting. It’s so important to focus on each other whenever you get the chance. Taking a walk is a great way to have time to talk because the baby usually sleeps in the stroller. ;)

  5. Wow, what great tips. I remember how hard it was to find my groove again after kids and it was not easy. I agree that talking it out, really helped. Thanks for sharing

  6. Great reminder to not get too stressed over where the spark has gone post baby. These are great tips even when your kids are older and eating up your time in other ways.

  7. These are all great ideas- My girlfriend told me the easiest way for her and her hubby to reconnect was actually bonding over baby’s bath time and sleeping rituals!

  8. I think reconnecting with your spouse after children is such a great idea! I’ve found that weekly date nights are vital!

  9. I think it is very important to find a way to always connect. I know after having a child you’re tired and I am as guilty of it as the next person. But we do need to find a way to always connect with our spouse.

  10. This is a great post for anyone who just had a baby. I’ve got several girlfriends who had a hard time finding that spark again after they switched hats over to mommyhood.

  11. As a new mom I can not agree more that communication is so incredibly important to keep that spark going when a new baby comes into your lives. New babies are amazing, but your partner was there first and needs his/her attention too.

  12. Being a mom, I know it is not that easy to get back to a normal life after delivery & these are some great tips to make sure you can bounce back & find the spark needed to lift yourself up.

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