Many first time parents (or seasoned parents for that matter) need help finding the spark again after a baby. Your world has just been flipped upside down. Instead of coffee and the paper quietly at the kitchen table, your mornings are now filled with feedings, and soothing sounds mixed with baby cries. Sounds romantic right? How do you find the spark again when your days seem to be consumed with being a parent instead of a partner?
Tips for Finding the Spark again After Baby
Do nothing: Sounds a little counterproductive, no? What I mean is just do nothing, together. Sit down and catch up on some shows and just be together. Hold off on the dirty dishes in the sink (I promise they will still be there in the morning, unless you have dirty dish fairies, in that case, share the love). Don’t worry about picking up your baby’s things, she will just use them again in a few hours. Nothing is more important than your marriage.
Stay in and reconnect: Many first time parents try to get out and plan a date night. Let’s be honest that takes a whole lot of energy that neither one of you can spare! Finding someone to watch your little cherub, making the never ending list of her wants and needs and when to change her and put her down, which teddy bear is her fave and so on. Don’t do that. Save you energy and stay in and enjoy each other again! What did you used to do before baby? Do that again. Did you play card games or board games, watch movies, dance in the living room? Think of those simple times and recreate that.
Treat yourselves: You might find yourself drowning in breast milk or formula and cold meals. Jump at the chance for a late night snack with your love. Forget for a minute about the baby weight, and just eat the ice cream together. It’s amazing what a little treat and a bit of QT can do for your marriage, even it is only 30 minutes while baby naps.
Talk: Communication is key in any relationship right? So many new parents are consumed with the baby (and why wouldn’t you be?!) Don’t get so consumed that you don’t tell each other how you are feeling. Having a new baby brings a whole new level to your relationship but keep the lines of communication open. Ask your partner how he is feeling and be sure to let him know what a great job he is doing and how helpful he is. Men tend not to be the best communicators (at least most of the ones I have met), but they need to hear the good things too! It opens up the conversation about how you are feeling too.
Leave notes: It might sound a bit high schoolish, but so what? I loved it when my husband left me notes. Not only did we have a new baby, but when I went back to work, I worked the night shift. Talk about never seeing each other! I would come home from work, and he would be going out the door. We started to let each other know how appreciative we were of each other by leaving notes or writing on the dry erase board for the other one. It was so sweet to come home and see he had been thinking about me.
There is no doubt when you have a new baby, your lives are consumed with feedings, and baby toys and before you know it you find yourself knee deep in poop. Somehow that doesn’t scream romantic to me! That baby was created and born out of the love you have for each other; you can get it back.